The Performance Pressure Cooker
How An Anonymous $10,000 Donation Has Affected My Mindset For My Solstice Run
For those of you who don’t know yet, I was absolutely floored to discover on Monday morning that someone has anonymously donated $10,000 to my fundraiser for the Summer Starfish Pack program.
I honestly still have trouble getting my head around that fact, but obviously someone out there thinks highly enough of the cause to throw that kind of support behind it. It’s somewhat validating to me that my efforts in promoting it through my Solstice Run has brought it to their attention (or at least caught their attention enough that they decided to take this route to supporting the cause rather than simply donating directly).
If you’re the person behind this, THANK YOU again - your generosity will help fund so many kids through the Summer Starfish Pack program and the general Starfish Pack program that runs during the school year, I am at a bit of a loss for words.
I also feel it’s important to say that this does not diminish the significance of anyone else’s donations. So many of you have given generously at a time when we are all facing challenges with affordability and cost of living, and every bit of support counts and is truly meaningful, so THANK YOU ALL!
I will be thinking of all of you as I approach the challenge of the Solstice Run this coming Saturday.
The Pressure Of Getting The Fundraiser Over the Finish Line Is Gone
It’s funny - the recent donation has me simultaneously feeling two completely opposite ways about this project.
On the one hand, before this donation, I had been experiencing a build-up of pressure to really perform well on the day and also to document it / promote it well in order to get the fundraiser the last $1,300 of the way to the target.
That kind of pressure really broke me mentally and emotionally towards the end of my Movember fundraising project back in November, on top of the physical stress and exhaustion I was under in those last few days. I felt like a failure for not meeting my fundraising goal for that project, and not being successful in creating the necessary visibility and awareness to do so with my efforts, despite the objective success of raising over $1,700 and running over 510 km in the month. You can read more about it in this blog article (see the section “Week Four: The Downward Spiral to Crying in McDonald’s” for the messy details).
While I’m far from that point right now (and wasn’t there on Monday before the news hit), with the prospect of 16+ hours on a still recovering injured ankle looming in the near future, I worried that I might hit that kind of despondency and despair again as the physical demands begain to take their toll on the day, or in the days following if I again “failed” to meet a fundraising goal.
With that donation on the books, that “failure” is no longer a concern, so the pressure of getting the fundraiser over the finish line is gone.
The Pressure To Perform Is Still There
On the other hand, the fact that this project (and by extension, my face and reputation) is “out there” enough that someone would make such a donation adds a different kind of pressure.
Before that donation, I could kind of still take comfort in being a “faceless nobody” and this project flying somewhat under the radar. If I failed to perform on the day, my ego wouldn’t take as big a hit because I knew that the close-knit circle of family and friends supporting the project would see it as a success if I just put in my best effort, regardless of the final distance achieved or how well I documented and promoted the day’s efforts.
Now, my ego tells me that this “needs to be a big deal” because of the more public profile the project has achieved. “I need to put on a good show to validate the support of the anonymous donor” and “I need to perform, or I’m going to look like a fool” are the thoughts lurking in the back of my mind, as irrational as they may be.
How I’m Going To Deal With It
Objectively, I know that as long as I manage to keep moving for the full 16 hours and 13 minutes on Saturday, it’s a win. That was the intention of the Solstice Run project from the beginning - just to see how far I could go between sunrise and sunset on the day.
I also know that, while it’s not an “official” ultramarathon, this will be my third ultramarathon distance, and according to a recent statistic only 0.007% of people (that’s 7 in a million) worldwide have ever done that even once, so this isn’t something people commonly do. It is a “special” thing, in and of itself.
These objective facts do little to quiet the voice in the back of my head.
So I’m going to try and keep bringing myself back to a combination of Stoic philosophy and Buddhist principles, being present in the moment, and accepting and appreciating those moments for what they are, as they happen, instead of getting tied up in expectation or “shoulds” around the day.
I’m going to be grateful for the companionship of the good friends who will be accompanying me at different parts of the day’s journey, the love and logistical support of my Super-Wifey throughout the day, and the fact that I am capable enough to even contemplate such an endeavour.
I’m also going to be thankful for the success and support on the fundraising side of things from all of you and our anonymous donor, and find joy in the impact we’ve been able to achieve in supporting such a great cause.
As recent Cocodona 250 overall winner and course record obliterator, Rachel Entrekin, put it during her recent appearance on the Rich Roll podcast (which you can watch here), “…the fun part is what YOU decide…”
I have been extremely fortunate over the last 11 years in particular to experience having a TON of fun in the midst of some intense physical suffering and effort alongside so many of you on the Spartan Race and trail racing courses that I KNOW it’s there if I can just embrace it.
With that “pressure relief valve” of having the fundraising goal already accomplished, I’m going to just focus on FINDING THE FUN on the day, and whatever happens, happens.
If you’d like to follow along on the rest of the journey, and even better share the project to help spread the word and raise funds for the Starfish Pack program, you can find everything here:
Project Page:
Fundraiser:
https://www.canadahelps.org/en/pages/coach-jps-summer-solstice-run/
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@CoachJPSiou
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/jp.siou/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/j.p.siou
LinkedIn: